All in an Evening's Work

I promise to you that I am not posting this blog to get your pity. I swear.

Over a week has passed since I survived what was a particularly dicey evening, even by my standards. I now feel like I can laugh about it, but at the time-- not so much.

It started with dinner plans that fell through soon after arriving home with groceries from Walmart, closely followed by my poor husband getting a rare migraine. Off to bed he went, and it was pretty much game on from that point onward. (By the way, I always remark that I never realize how loud the boys are until I take them out in public. As it turns out, the very same phenomenon happens to occur when someone in the house is suffering from a migraine).

Here's a timeline of the evening:

5:45pm Drag kids to the dinner table to eat. Attempt to scarf down food and simultaneously plead with them to eat theirs.
5:50pm Escort Jake to the potty to poop and clean up the mess that was his bottom.
5:55pm Sit back down and realize I'm not so hungry anymore.
5:56 Realize Jake is missing
5:57pm See Jake reappear in room and realize his underwear is full of diarrhea. Apparently he had unfinished business from his initial trip the potty. Undergo a lengthy cleaning and disinfecting process.
6:10pm Throw my dinner in the trash. Soon after give up the boys eating as well.
6:15pm Enter family room where boys are and catch a whiff of poo. Check both boys and determine Jake needs to be cleaned again.
6:23pm Hear husband (can't imagine what might have woken him) demand where the unholy stench is coming from. Search for poo ensues. Jake is once again dragged off for a thorough cleaning.
6:30pm Realize the culprit is Ben, who has been sitting on the couch on his flattened wad of poo. Drag him off for cleaning.
6:45pm Declare bathtime is beginning. As preparing bath vaguely hear Jake muttering about peeing on himself a little bit.
7:30pm Tell boys goodnight.
7:32pm Hear Jake requesting another trip to the bathroom. Again. Off to the potty, where Jake proceeds to have massive diarrhea.
7:40pm Tell boys goodnight. Again.
7:42pm Clean up the kitchen, playroom, and family room. Go to the laundry room to dump off dirty dishtowels and walk into a huge puddle. That would be the "little bit of pee" Jake was referring to earlier. Get on hands and knees to clean and disinfect floor.
7:50pm Sit down in family room with computer.
7:51pm Receive phone call from poor husband down the hall. Do we have any 7up and saltines? Of course we don't, but I'll run down the gas station right now and get some.


The above is a true story.