Dangerous Territory

Discussing and explaining the concept of death with your children really isn't something you think about until you're right upon it and you realize you have zero gameplan. My desire to have that conversation ranks right up there with the one about the birds and the bees and the one about why bad things happen to good people.

The discussion hadn't even been on my radar, to be honest, until we received a wonderful preschool-age devotional from the church. One evening in January as I sat down at bedtime to read it, it crossed my mind that the topic would undoubtedly come up in this devotional. As it turned out, it was my lucky day; the topic was heaven and how wonderful it was.

The boys' eyes got as large as saucers as they learned heaven had all of their favorite things-- most importantly, toys and bowling. After saying yes to a long list of questions about what might be there, Jake turned to me, exclaiming, "They have everything we need there!"

"We go there right now?" asked Ben.

Oh geez.

Then there's the bugs/bees/etc that they know are dead... the fact that "kill" is known as a bad word in our house... and the delicate area when the two paths meet. Such as when I stomped a huge black widow-ish looking spider in our driveway and Jake aked me what I did.

"I killed it," I answered triumphantly.

"Mommy, that is not a nice word," Jake admonished.

He was right of course. But so was I. I killed the dern thing.

Most recently they've started wondering exactly what the ginormous cemetery/mausoleum is that we pass when we go to the YMCA. You seriously can't miss it. I'm calling it a flower place until I figure out something better.

They've also asked about the special CD and Mickey Mouse that came from Ben Bowen, who died four years ago and for whom Ben is named.

"Where is he?" our Ben asks.

"Well, he's up in heaven now," I reply.

"With God and Jesus?" from Jake.

"Yes," I say.

"Oh, he's their boy now?" he asks.

See what I mean?


But to inject some humor into it (because you have to), there was this conversation this evening.

When I do bathtime alone (such as this evening), I pull one out of the tub first and put on his diaper in the hallway while I keep an eye on the one still in the tub. Now, I am not one to sugarcoat what happens to little boys when they're not careful. You run across the parking lot, you might get run over. You play on the stairs, you might fall and crack your head open. You're not careful in water, you might drown.

So as I pulled Jake out of the tub first, I reminded Ben to not lie down in the tub while I was away from it.

"Why you tell Ben that?" Jake asked.

"Because I don't want him to drown."

"Why?"

"Because he might die and that would be very sad. He would be gone forever," I answered truthfully, trying to make my point but regretting that I might have gone too far and scared poor Jake. Not a worry.

"Yeah, we get a new one if that happen?" he snapped back with a big smile on his hands, literally wringing his hands with excitement. To be honest, it was totally a Ben move.

I quickly sat him up and firmly had a heart-to-heart about how dying was not a funny thing and that people are very sad when it happens.

And then I walked into my bedroom, shut my door, and had a good long...

laugh.