I'm just now starting to see the funny in it

If you've had a great day today, are an optimistic person, or are just feeling particularly chipper right now, consider this your cue to exit stage left and find your funny elsewhere today.

Let the cone of safety descend on me as I commence the whining about my day.

It began with the sound of a much-worsened hacking cough of Ben. Perhaps he'll feel better once he eats, I thought. Preschool wasn't out of the question yet.

I put the bacon in the microwave and turned around to get the rest of breakfast ready. At least I thought I put the bacon in. One minute later, I turn around to see I was merely warming up the microwave. In goes the bacon, minus the forgotten paper towel. Three minutes later, it was ready and the microwave was disgusting, impossible to tell that ten hours prior I had just scrubbed it thoroughly.

After it became apparent that Ben was no longer eating or feeling better, I made the call to preschool to let them know I'd like to flush the day's tuition down the toilet, thanks.

And at that point my thinking took a wrong turn to the decision to go grocery shopping. Not just at one measly store. Not even at two wimpy stores. No, we were hitting Krogers, Sam's, and Wal-Mart. Why not get all your shopping done at just one store, Sarah? you might ask. Well, because that would simply be too easy, my friend.

We hit our first snag in the Kroger check-out line, where an over-eager cashier rang us up without noticing the fistful of coupons I was trying to hand her before the transaction was completed.

"Ooops," she apologized. "You can just redeem them at the customer service counter," she advised.

I got in line at the customer service counter. Except that it wasn't. It was the pharmacy line. Ooops again. I detoured to the correct place, behind three elderly women (did I mention it was Senior Citizen's Day at Kroger today?) with various issues with their purchases. Because I am completely OCD about saving money, we stuck it out and got our $3.50, thanks.

On to Sam's. Cue the doomsday music.

Sam's went totally fine. Until we were ready to check out. I happened to get in a line where an older gentleman was waiting for his wife to bring the last item. After unloading everything on the belt, I started to zero in on the payment options at Sam's. Hmmm... no comforting Visa logo.

"Ma'am?" I asked the cashier. "Do you take Visa?"

"Ummm, we take Visa debit."

Guess what. I don't got one of them. This happened to be my very first time shopping alone at Sam's. We go all the time, but I never stand at the register when checking out because we always buy so much I can't stand to see what the final ridiculous total will be. I would just rather not know. As it turns out, I missed out on the crucial Payment at Sam's 101 lesson.

Sick to my stomach, I started pulling my items off the belt and placing them back in the cart. For one crazy second, I thought What if I just took off with this cart right now? Nah, just kidding. I just cursed under my breath and removed the two very confused children from the cart, dragging them away from the sadly abandoned cart.

"Mommy, why we leaving our groceries?!?"

"I want my blueberries!! NO MOMMY! PLEASE!"

"I want my bacon! Why we leaving it?!?"

It is safe to say we were all traumatized by this incident. They weren't the only ones crying, although I was doing it while also calling and taking my vengeance out on poor Hilton, who never saw it coming. How could he NOT tell me that Sam's doesn't take a credit card?? Furthermore, how was it possible that Sam's didn't take a credit card, period? It must all be his fault, somehow.

Off to Wal-Mart.

Did you know at the Ohio Wal-Mart they have exceptionally small carts? So small, in fact, that if you have two kids that need to ride in a cart, you must push them in one cart and drag another cart of groceries behind you. It's fantastic. Especially when you find yourself trekking all other the store searching for some ridiculously random item like sunflower seeds, finally giving up and just going to check out, angry and bitter. I must add that at one point I had to push the boys' cart a few steps away from the grocery-laden cart to get a better look at something, eliciting true panic in the boys, fresh from their Sam's trauma.

"No, Mommy! Don't leave the groceries again! The groceries!!"

I wish I could say the day went better after that. Unforunately, the only thing that really went up was Ben's temperature, and we ended up at a "Now Care" (an ironic misnomer) health clinic at 4:45pm. An eternity later, we had a $95 Thomas the Train sticker (thanks, Health Savings Account plan) and no real answers.

But I say this with a smile on my face: God is still good, and so is life.